A Moment

I sit here and lose myself in the blue-grey view out the window.
The water is calm, the wind still.
I let myself mirror these and sink into the beauty of it all.
I am pulled abruptly out of this sanctuary by a familiar scent.
Your name whispers through my head
I turn around expecting to see you, hoping. It is someone else.
My head fills with your image and i remember everything about you
I guess i was more attached than i thought.
Do you still think of me? Am i alone in this memory?
The water is calm, the wind still.
No matter what is to come, i will be myself
I lose myself again in this sanctuary, your scent lingering.

Kerrin Hearfield - written 15 March 2002.

A Reply Letter

I received a letter from HarperCollinsPublishers this week. Based on my critique from Rob Parnell i was expecting a "thanks, but no thanks" and that is what i got.
The letter was very polite and nice:

Thank you for writing to us regarding you manuscript entitled Secrets & Lies. While an interesting idea, i am afraid that this is not suitable for our list, and we would be unable to make an offer of publication.
I am sorry to have to disappoint you, but i wish you every future success with your writing.
Thank you for offering HarperCollinsPublishers the opportunity to assess you proposal.

It took seven weeks from the date i posted my document, so very timely and i was impressed with how sincere they sound.
Better luck next time!

A Short Story, Final

I drove, sticking to the speed limit wishing it was faster. It seemed like forever before I got there. I slowed at the end of the street, glanced in the mirror. The tired face was overshadowed by the excitement in my brown eyes. It wasn’t so bad being a wife, a mother. I’m still Alice.

I walked up the front steps and after a deep breath knocked, my bag at my feet. Michael opened the door and I was swamped with the love I’d felt on our wedding day, on the births of our children.

“Alice. God, you’re okay.” I held tight to him, my pillar of strength and felt him shudder even as I drew in the scent, the familiarity of him. I may not have done the right thing in leaving, but I’d done the right thing in coming back. Tears and squeals of joy surrounded me as our children ran to embrace me.

“I love you. I’m sorry.”

Michael kissed me and pulled me into the house. “None of that now. Later.” He beamed through his tears and I saw a man I’d never seen before. He loved me enough to welcome me back unquestioned, certain of my responding love and fidelity.

I know now that I am Alice. I may not know exactly who Alice is, but I know I am a wife and mother. I am loved. I love. The rest will come later.

End

Kerrin Hearfield

A Short Story, Part 5

“They don’t know.” I knew by his tone he wasn’t judging me. Perhaps it was part of his job or it could be because he knew me once upon a time.
“No.” The guilt speared me and I sat on the floor. “I just left. He took the kids for a walk so I could have a sleep in. I just left.” He said nothing while I wept.
Handing me a flannel he helped me to the chair once I’d reduced the torrent to a sniffle.
“Are you leaving them?”
“No. No. I just want some time for me. To remember who I am. I don’t want to be just a wife, a mother.”
“You have to go back. Tell him. Sort it out.”
“Not today. Will you stay with me today, please?” I didn’t want to be alone with my thoughts. “Why didn’t you take advantage of this last night?”
He knew I was talking about the shared suite. “You didn’t want to. I knew something was up and wanted you to be sure. You’re married. You love him, them. You’re just confused.”
We ordered room service and got dressed.
“I’m going south in the morning. Another job.”
I nodded glancing at the photo of my family in my wallet.
“You’re a wife, a mother.” He grabbed me gently by the shoulders. “That is a gift. Talk to him. If he loves you he’ll understand and want to help you.”
“You don’t think he’d be angry and upset I left?” I doubted he’d take me back so easily after disappearing for a weekend.
Dan laughed. “You won’t be that lucky. Of course he will. But he’ll be relieved you came back. That you’re okay.”
I wasn’t so sure. I know I would never forgive myself for just leaving. Dan was right. I should have spoken with Michael. Anything would have been better than just leaving. Suddenly I knew I had to get back. Right now.
He saw it in my face. “Go. They need you. You’ll be okay, Alice.”

Kerrin Hearfield